Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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