Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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