Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize