theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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