I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
