can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
