Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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