i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
