i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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