you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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