I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
