did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
