wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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