Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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