Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
