arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
