I puked a lego.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
