i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
as a side note pls kill me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
