So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize