Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
