He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She needs sedatives and a leash
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
