Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
did you just send me my own nude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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