I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
