i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
