apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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