failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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