Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
