I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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