Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
