Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
