mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need Xanax blowdarts
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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