Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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