I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
