Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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