have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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