i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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