I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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