Can i not drive my cunt home
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
