he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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