Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk