He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
