I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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