You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
