he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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