I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Where is the hickey?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
