I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
