you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
