Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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