Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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