I puked a lego.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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