I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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