So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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