are you so shy because you have an std?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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