im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think people are normalizing furries
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
