I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize