That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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