Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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