was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
