Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize