I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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