I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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