I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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